IOWA

Hello out there to All of You!

I feel like I need to make up for lost time or say something amazing, but I'm truly just here to start posting again following my 1+ year dry spell...whoops! It turns out that Iowa, beautiful though it can be, at times, sucked me a little dry and sent me sprinting for The Big City aka Chi-Town (pronounced "Shy-town") aka Chicago, Illinois. This fine city is one of the largest cities in the US. You know how I know it's one of the largest cities in the US? I know that because I recently found out that only the largest cities in the US have more than one professional baseball or basketball team associated with them. Interesting, huh? You probably already knew that. Me being who I am, I know...now.

What happened in Iowa? Well, I moved my WHOLE LIFE there for a job and residency for physical therapy. It was very very busy and I felt that I was doing my best dealing with my new job and new boss and new coworkers and new patients and mounds of responsibilities. And then, after 10 months, it all came crashing down after I injured myself--outside of work, though likely due to the physical demands of work. Then there was a communication break down, and BAM: fired.

If you want to know the nitty gritty details, I can discuss them, but I'd prefer not to write about them. It has now been 6 weeks, and I'm finally able to find the words to talk about how I feel without my emotions falling out of my face--in tear form, of course.

I write now as a person who is a little different from the one who wrote before. I'm not claiming that this situation has made me older and wiser but it might. I think it has served to give me a dose of reality while also setting me up for a little character building. All the old tricks I had up my sleeve for dealing with "life" and "loss" and "stress" failed me in this new situation. To be perfectly honest, I was/am depressed. I thought my tear ducts would grow mold or something from the amount of water that seemed to constantly flow with any mention of "Keep Calm and Carry On" or "physical therapy" or "career." Before this event, I felt I could deal with anything. Afterwards, I found that my response to nearly every task was to shrink away and read my escapist novel or watch my addictive TV show or sleep. Any time I finally felt up to the task of discussing my situation, I lasted approximately 2.5 minutes before tears choked me up and stopped me in my tracks, voice cracking. And those tears didn't linger briefly.

I write now as if I have finally been able to turn my pillow over to the cleaner side, the cooler side. I'm sure this side will also succumb to tear permeation. I am--I think--wise enough to know that this situation will continue to have ups and downs, but it's nice to be able to smile again without wondering when the next smile will come.

I know I've been quiet on the blog front. I know I have shut several of you out of my life or kept this situation from you--not entirely on purpose, but simply because I didn't know how to interact. I have this problem where I am perpetually honest. I really don't know how to talk to someone without being honest, completely. Therefore, being as sad and angry as I have been has been hard to share. It's not really the kind of thing that people line up for, you know?

So, there you have it, the most recent update.

Where to from here? I'm so glad you asked, because I've been doing some pondering, and I've realized some things about myself.

1. I respect and like myself.
2. I self-destruct when I don't feel respected by others in my environment.
3. I need intellectual stimulation.
4. I need to create.
5. I love baking; it's a form of creation, after all!
6. I like to help people and to give.
7. I still love physical therapy.
8. I am very stubborn.
9. Sometimes I give too much.
10. I am definitely still learning about myself.

What do these things mean? Well, I'm trying to figure that out myself. I'm recruiting YOU to help me. Here are some things I'm considering doing with my time (and in an effort to meet my financial needs):

1. A baking internship/apprenticeship
2. Teaching English or teaching/coaching people prior to taking the US citizenship exam
3. Physical Therapy consulting via phone, email, and video
4. Physical Therapy in a hospital setting
5. Your brilliant idea here!

Ok, so, let me know your thoughts! It doesn't have to be a comment on this blog, email me! I'm just reaching out for some positive reinforcements here--or new ideas! The idea of the PT consulting business will likely happen--already happens, but I might start it into a business in order to actually be able to pay some bills. If you have specific comments or thoughts about how to go about doing so, I'm all ears.

You are the reason I am who I am. And, I'm guessing, I might be part of the reason you are who you are as well. Let's make this world go 'round!